I sadly find myself spending most of my time either anxious or bored. Either I'm worried trying to choose between all great possibilities and worried about my past choices. Or I find myself bored, not knowing even what to desire. But there is this narrow ledge between anxiety and boredom - represented by the slash in the title of this website. Here I can get some work done, I am in "flow". It is however terribly narrow! And I keep falling off.

I'm currently struggling to try and stay a little more comfortable off the ledge, so that when I'm off it, rather than thinking "dammit, I'm off, I need to get back on!" I can think "OK, now I'm off the ledge. Let's see what's here!". I have a suspicion that all the good stuff is hiding there. But even as I'm writing this I feel the falling. Maybe I just need to be more disciplined in my work, and make sure to stay on the ledge.

It is also crazy how fast I move from bored to anxious when I get an idea. I start working and before I know it I'm anxious about the work. There is a moment of playful experimentation but quickly it turns into an obsession to finish, or at least have a plan to finish the work. And once I have a plan, it becomes like a chore and it becomes boring. Grrr!

If I could somehow stay longer in that playful aimless zone. And if I could somehow be a little more comfortable outside the zone, just a little - something like turning down the volume a bit. Of course I already do things to this aim; I exercise, eat healthy, try to make sure I get enough quality sleep and I meditate. I'm trying.

To make things worse, I'm also worried if I rid myself of anxiety and boredom I might not get any work done. I'd just relax, chill and watch movies or whatever. See how messed up this is? I'm anxious that I'm not anxious enough!

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